i'd like to say a few words, as the holidays draw near. about family: they are over rated, inflated and incestuous. infact, i think that we may have serious problems with just how attached we are to our blood relatives. in caveman days, its not like people clung to their roots like they do now. you grew up, found someone and started  your own life. parents are just past selves. mothers and fathers are part of their children, of course, but that part becomes smaller and smaller, or should, as children make their own selves/lives. but in this stagnant age, this is not happening. family fetishizing is what is happening. and it is strangely sexual. 

mothers vying for their son's attention with flirtatious texts, fathers asking personal questions and sharing too intimate details with their daughters, cousins getting drunk together, brothers and sisters locked together in mutual misery and cohabitation. tawdry but true. remember game of thrones, the end of the first episode? sibling sex is a major symbol of the stagnation of society, emotionally, spiritually and physically. this day in age, society is practically growing back in on itself.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT your family is whack. do your best to comfort them without allowing them to suck your life force by convincing you that they need you. they do not need you and thinking so is vanity. allow them to help themselves by helping yourself to some boundaries. recognize when a family member is unconsciously using sexual mechanisms to maintain attention on themselves and DO NOT gratify them.



it is bad, childish behavior to use one's sexual magnetism as a persuasive force in family matters and you must ignore it. that said, if you have problems with a family member that do seem reconcilable, be careful to communicate well. no name calling, no tangents about semantics or unreconcilable anecdotes about fights past. try to look at the problem from a past-less point of view, capable of its own unique solution. also, use this method of address:



I realize ... (empathy, acknowledge the other person's feelings or experience)

However, when you ... (specify a behavior, not labeling trends in behavior)

I feel ... (know how you feel and express it clearly and respectfully)

And what I need from you is ... (a specific action/behavior change)



i use this all the time when i fight with my husband and we find it helpful. the best way to come at a fight is from the end: try for a solution and think about what you can do. also stay respectful and maintain connection, as in, keep eye contact and nod to show you are listening. also I-statements and venting breaks are useful. DO NOT INTERRUPT but don't let someone abuse your air space. you also have a right to talk.






these are examples of the two worst kinds of mothers:

the overly sexual, no-boundaries, alcoholic train wreck aka Mrs. Robinson

and the doesn't-get-laid-enough-so-she-judges-your-every-move mom :(

recognize them, understand their ailments are sexual and act accordingly. have sympathy for their (sexual) plight but recognize that we can all change and are in charge of our own destiny and genitals. in summation, DO NOT TAKE ON YOUR FAMILY'S BURDEN this holiday season. take advantage of the breaking up of the system and break up with your family, or their negative component parts, so you can HAVE A GOOD TIME/LIFE. an invasive mother/father/sister/brother is bad for your sex life as their energy will fill the space in your life where your mate should be. that said, don't avoid what can be helped but don't help what can't change. recognized displaced familial sexual desire and avoid it or, if your are brave, confront it! but maybe smoke some before you tell your mom she needs to get laid more. ;)


HAPPY HOLIDAZE