https://youtu.be/tJN3D8UhtGQ?si=AePfNoqg8K_bo1Wa
Hello Ms. Wright,
I'm just writing like I said I would, to give you this video and say a few things about mental health.
You have known me since before my "diagnosis" and ever after, so you "know" me fairly well. For me, my 2007 "mental breakdown" was really the beginning of my true life. Though my family and the world may say that that was more like the "beginning of the end" for me, it is not so from my perspective.
Truly, I do not know who I was before my "diagnosis": I do not remember what I thought, how I thought, or what motivated me in life back then. I remember there being a disconnect with how I viewed myself and how others saw me that puzzled me at the time: people would say I was too harsh and that I was too mean, especially to boys I liked and thought I was "flirting" with. I thought I was the milk of human kindness, but alas, I suppose this wasn't so... All I remember about what motivated me was that I knew it was important to do well in school so I could attend a prestigious university.
When I first went to the psych ward, the impetus was threefold: the most major thing that triggered me was probably the upsetting of my circadian rhythms from when I came back from Europe that summer; disrupted circadian rhythms being a typical trigger for Bipolar Disorder. But to me, it felt more like the spark that ignited my psychiatric revolution was when I read Behold a Pale Horse for the first time.
It was pretty bonkers, entirely paradigm-shifting, and completely random: the first time I had my eyebrows done, the woman doing them told me about the book and the conspiracy it claims. I went directly to the bookstore afterwards and bought it and read a few pages that night. This set off a chain-reaction in my life like no other, neither before nor since. I had just learned about metaphysics, the "light" side of my current mindset, weeks before. When I learned about the "dark" side of the "other side" that day, it was all too much, and I "snapped". I had also just had my abortion (thank GOD), had done a significant amount of drugs in Europe, and then I learned about this conspiracy, which, if truth be told, has come to define my life in ways I never would have imagined at the time...
But I digress, the real reason I write you today is to tell you this: even though I believe I may have been given the title of Bipolar "correctly" that fall (2007), really, I was misdiagnosed, along with many others placed under this umbrella of "mentally unwell".
Mental illness, from my point of view, is not an illness, nor a "disorder". It is an ordered, purposeful RESPONSE/REACTION to the disorder in our society... as well as a genetic provision for society's supernatural needs, as this video suggests. What is happening to me and your son is simply a misunderstood state of being, especially in the West. Had he and I had the symptoms we did, back then- in Africa, or any tribal, "undeveloped" society, we would have simply been shipped off to the local shaman and trained up in their ways as "entities" different than mere human.
Modern "mental illness" is really just a life lived with one foot in this world, and one foot in the next. Well, maybe not all of it, but some cases, and I certainly feel that way...
My own journey with my diagnosis has been varied. At first, being 19 and unaware of everything, I took what the doctors said seriously, and I took the pills. Being manic af, this was a good thing, at the time. The lithium they gave me was certainly necessary, as I was being inundated with energy I could not understand or use properly. I came to see the lithium for what it was: a very helpful crystal/salt that occurs naturally and helped me "store" the excess energy I was being "given", much like a human lithium battery. But over time, as I parsed out what was happening to me, how I felt about it, and who I really was, with regards to my family and their role in our society at large, my view of my "diagnosis" changed.
I began to see myself more as a conduit of the divine, in action and within my own mind. I started to think of my "madness" more as "insight" when it proved to be empirically useful; and I began to see my mood swings were more like "weather" from another realm that I, nor anyone else, could see (sort of akin to astrology and the unseen influence of the planets and stars on us here on Earth...).
Once I learned of Carl Jung's Shadow my life made even more sense. I started to see my intense emotions as a rection to my mother's emotional stuffing, stifling, and stasis. I saw that I was seeing a truer truth and a deeper reality than anyone I knew, because, really, our brains only pick up on about 10% of "reality" and mine was simply a finer, more sensitive instrument than the average human. And that was by design, I figured out.
Really, my "diagnosis" required "reframing", not "prescriptions". I needed to see the world and myself and my role in the world "correctly" to be able to "handle myself properly". Taking meds was only a stopgap and never "healed me" and hardly helped me, in the end. What I needed, and what your son may need, is/was a larger view of him/ourselves and our world. Remember: it is not a marker of health to be well adjusted to a sick society...
I see myself now as a sort of evolutionary older sister, sent to help usher in a new age with an uncommon vision; because not only am I an Indigo Child, meant to take the corrupt system down, I am also a Dragon in the Chinese Lunar Zodiac, and so I further turn the Wheel of Destiny more than most mere mortals. And yes, my role right now is mainly destructive, because there is much that needs destroying, and that may apply to your son as well... or not: he is much younger and may be more of the generation to bring in the new society my type have "made room for". Regardless, he and I are simply evolutionarily necessary alternatives to what is happening in the world right now.
In regards to his football, there is much to say. First, the sport is based on old-school war paradigms. Second, its business model is to "kill" (sometimes literally), with injuries and lawsuits, its players before they really cash out on their positions as "sport stars". Third, symbolically (and I now live in this world of symbolism) it's a game all about sexism.
Football is sort of an institutional, systematic, "game form" of misogyny, or at least a very "macho male" sexuality. The ball is shaped like a vagina and is made of literal skin. On this ball, there is one large, white (aka KNOWN or acknowledged) phallus that is bisected by many other, smaller phalluses. This is indicative of the nature of the game: there is always one dude with this highly-sought-after, prized-above-the-rest vagina-ball (the alpha male, leader-of-the-pack guy who "claims" the hottest head cheerleader or whatever) and all the other guys are like, fixated on him throughout the game (aka, living through him as the beta-males who don't "get the girl" [at least not like him]). All that locker-room-talk and butt slapping and even the way they hike the ball, between their legs and touching the other guys' butts---is all part and parcel of the bros-before-hos, exploit-the-ladies, vaguely-gay mentality that permeates this "sport" and men's minds in general.
In football to score you get in the END zone and the segments of the game are called DOWNS, as in down-there and rear-end. There are always cheerleaders and never women and it's just brutal and inhumane and very, very macho. Even the name is a reference to sex, as feet are super sexual symbols. So, in short, football is institutionalized and codified sexism...and I love it. I grew up watching it with my dad and even since realizing its symbolic undertones of misogyny, I still watch it. In a sense, as well, I always kinda "felt" like the girl that is this ball situation---where ALL the guys want it/me/her and/or live through the guy that has her/me/it. And now that I'm gayish, I like it even more lol. I totally want to be the girl with the hottest girl.
In short, just watch you son and read between his lines, because even he may not know what's happening to him. Don't overdo it on the meds, either, because eventually I was taking meds for my meds, aka to handle problematic side effects the first set of meds were causing, I was taking other meds. Eventually I started having panic attacks because of the stress on my body from all the meds and was then prescribed more meds for this. It was a nightmare that you can totally avoid and learn about from my experience.
And don't get locked into the idea of his being "sick" and don't just completely discount his "vision", either. He is who he is for a reason (one possibly greater than his mere life), and it's likely, truly, that he is a representation of some reality his father, who I know is rather diminutive and quiet, has been repressing... But good luck, don't give in to unnecessary medical peer pressure, and try to take him seriously if you can---not only because he is flesh of your flesh, but because, evolutionarily and genetically, Bipolar "Disorder" never died out and is here FOR A REASON. :)
Yours Truly,
Your Favorite Client
PS- Thanks for letting me wear -9 prescription contact lenses instead of -9.5. The change in numerology in my vision has been significant and profound. Thanks again!! XOXO :))
https://youtu.be/tJN3D8UhtGQ?si=AePfNoqg8K_bo1Wa
