Monday, June 24, 2013

To My Mother in Law




Dear Dianne,

first i want you to know that i am not trying to take your life because you used to slap my boyfriend around, or because you stalked him in his own life, or because you forced him to take growth hormone shots; I am primarily trying to remove you from your life at Raytheon, one of the most evil entities to ever curse the face of this earth. what you do for them, its dirty, guarding the gates of hell, watching evil and doing nothing but more evil. i know you make good money and feel validated by the sick atmosphere of Dallas, but every other person on earth would pity you if they knew your life. the truth is, you are sad and lonely and kinda crazy, and we all know you sleep in alex's old bed and cheated on scott. big deal, i know he's a baffoon and that, naturally, you will miss alex until the day you die. i'm trying not to hold you personal life against you because i've met your mother and she's no walk in the park and i know what the military brat life is and i know that that's less of one. but i will hold your public life against you.




right about now you should be getting passed over for projects and generally getting the cold shoulder from your bosses. they are likely thinking all my work against them because of you isn't worth all your "work" for them, if you can call coercing a circle of men with sex appeal and flashy things to do your bidding work. if you are not fired or don't quit, you will see the evil you have done to the world manifest in your body. you will fall ill with what will most likely be ovarian, cervical or breast cancer. i am sorry, but all i ever do is pull on people's karma and even them out and you just so happen to have a very large shadow rich with wretched karma, not unlike my uncle, whom i think you know. again, i apologize because i respect you and the military a little bit and hate to see you fall thus, but I CANNOT ALLOW FURTHER DAMAGE TO YOU, ALEX, OR THE WORLD if it is in my power to resist you.

love,
me