St. Louis County Cops: A Review

so yesterday my husband and i had the pleasure of discovering what the St. Louis County cops are like. And as I told them about this blog, I think that this post may have an effect both timely and unique. but only I had the interesting pleasure of finally knowing where all the hot men in st. louis are. they're all high-level cops. it was so bizarre. my life was being badgered by this band of beautiful man-cops. there were several silver foxes, many fit young studs, and even some hunky, baldy, biker-types for the lana del rays who like to slum it. and then, this emt guy showed up because i was almost hyperventilating, and he was like the hottest st. louisian man i've ever seen. it was crazy. my impression, however, of all these hot men, was that they were not getting laid enough. One guy was wearing a wedding ring even tho his wife was dead. The others all seemed to engage in sexual displacement: they channeled their sexual energy into being aggressive at work because they weren’t getting laid in their private lives. This is typical of all people, but especially cops. For one thing i hear they make about $52,000 a year. So 5 is the number of chaos and crisis and 2 is the number of relationship and the couple. So you can see that not only does their pay amount curse their personal relationship(s), it adversely affects their relationship with mankind in general.

shocking that cops don't have much sex. anyway, even the lady cop wasn't married and didn't have a boyfriend, although she was very nice and didn't make my handcuffs too tight. the driver of the black mini-van they all spilled out of like so many spiders from an egg, was a dead ringer for collin ferral. while we were sitting waiting for the cops to finish ransaking my house without a warrant and stealing our electronics, mr. ferral decided to order jimmy johns to the side of the road where my life was falling apart. it was surreal. these cops, from what i could tell, were not getting laid and spent a lot of their time just trying to catch other people doing "bad" stuff. basically, they were bored as shit. they were playing pranks on each other and tossing stress balls around. they talked about the radio and never stopped giving each other shit. basically, they were people. it was scary and crazy, but refreshing and i just have to say, the view was quite nice...

so, i learned cops are people, too. and i think they learned a lot from me. i played the crazy card pretty hard and talked a lot about art and witchcraft and sex and magic and stuff. i think they were entertained. when they went in my house they said they liked my art and saw my alter. they also liked the roses in the backyard. in general, the cops were humane.  they even told me my house is now bugged (yay! and illegal) and we're flagged. the crazy thing tho is that they kept looking for money, which we don't have. they even insinuated to my husband if he gave them "the money" they would let him go.  i'm pretty sure this is the same cop that stole our brand new tablet which left me with the impression that something i have long suspected may be true: cops seem more likely than most people to be criminals. but other than this theft and what was an illegal raid of my house, it was an interesting experience and much less intense than my previous brushes with the law. in general, i felt bad for my new cop friends being bored at such a poo job, but they seemed to like it and get along; so i wish them well and i hope that if they read this, they will give us back our tablet, please. ;)

somebody needs to FUCK THE FUZZ. ;)

XOXO STLPD

<3

oh yeah, buy my sexy art