another thing. how to say it without boasting. i believe myself to be a very powerful magic user. most of the time i don't know what i'm doing but it all sort of flows and i co-create with the universe and its all...magical. lol. i seem to have great dominion over the skies of st. louis and affect the weather with my moods. i actually know for almost certain that i have created some of the bad tornadoes in alabama and oklahoma this past spring. i feel guilty and often somewhat weighted by this. while it is amazing to know that i made a rainbow or created a luscious sunset, it's alarming to have insane storms come when i'm angry. i feel responsible for the sky nearest me and as i think st. louis is a lightening rod for the country's weather, i feel responsible for the country's weather sometimes. i mean, sometimes there are like thunderstorm clouds in the east moving west that just turn into blue sky in a huge line across the sky right over my house. i try to use emotional alchemy to turn negative emotion into positive all the time for the sky. oh, i can also sort of dialogue with lightening. it's pretty weird. soooooooooo i spend much of my day staring at clouds and talking to birds and asking the universe to make everything beautiful and right. i like the people here to have nice sunsets, so i spend my days playing games with the clouds.
also, magic itself, beyond my connection to the sky, is strange. i've done money spells that have cashed out in the thousands. i think i may have killed the man that may have killed my grandfather by magic. but i didn't know it was him, i just sort of asked for justice and this friend of my grandfather's died on my grandfather's birthday... oh, and i of course made the pope resign, which was NUTs and truly alarming, but also really really cool. and herein we find the problem: magic works but it's playing god. and it can so go to your head. and then it becomes a control game. it's not trusting the universe to work it all out, which i believe is the basis for religion's rejection of the craft. i myself do find it somewhat fear-based. i do magic probably half the time because i am afraid of something and half because i respect and cherish something. but it sounds about right; after all, natural magic is both light and dark...
I do magic not only because i believe it will affect my life positively, but because i find spontaneous, flowing magic reflects back to me what i really believe. putting together spells helps order the energy within and around you and helps you understand how it flows within you. i tend to make spells that wrap around rooms. i arrange objects to represent pieces of myself that go in some order around the room. i always leave room for death and rebirth, the purpose of this sort of identity spell being to be a guide for me later. for instance, on the left, feminine, is birth and the moment and subconscious, so my incense trays and offering alters and other objects of archetypal god-definition. then we move on to ego and drive and sort of material influences, so where i keep glamour, and self-idolatry and alters to my ancestors. next comes the fall of the ego and the spiritual, intellectual and emotional death that follows. items include reptile symbols, death tarot cards, dead flowers and black stillnesses. and then the rebirth and the regaining of paradise on the right, or masculine side. here is rainbows for the after-the-storm affect. and here is where i put glittery ideas of my future in business and love via pictures and art and artifacts of what i would like my life to be like one day:
and that's what i look at when i'm storming and suffering or looking for inspiration from the source. but the coolest thing about magic, and art, is that you find yourself falling away and more and more of what you do becomes what the universe is doing through you and it's so much better than anything you could ever do. so anyway, if i were you, today is the day of personal crisis AND freedom in the spiritual/magical realms, i would construct an alter to yourself, including all the dark and light in their appropriate places, respected all. but leave room for death, and birth and growth. and know that truly, you are god and respecting yourself is like an offering to the universe that gave you life and found you worthy of breath. sooo every breath a spell, and all things in good time. cast small shadows and shine forth great light, my invisible friends!
And buy my art! I put up new stuff!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/CandyPaintCo
