hello lovelies,

so there are a few things i want to talk about today.

- my best friend ever Taryn is leaving and i want to write her a long love letter about all the madness we've been thru, which you all will find entertaining as well.

- colors

- seals of soloman

- the sky

- the masons as spies and my new baby cousin

- white girl problems cont.

- death

ok. first colors. i dont know why but for a while its felt really important to write here about colors. the most important thing about colors is knowing that red is the masculine color and blue is the feminine color. blue and white specifically are Mary, the goddess, and the High Priestess's colors. red and white are Jesus, the god, and the Magicians colors. also, colors together are sort of coded like that. each color has a light and dark side and pairing it with either white or black calls forth aspects of that color's light side or dark side. red and black are satan's colors and highlight the rage, anguish, and sexual perversion held in red. Jesus's red and white however symbolize the ambition, passion, and panache of red's light side. other color pairings are symbolic, too. purple and green are supposedly the colors of madness, which is why the joker wears these colors. red and blue together symbolizes male and female together and is kind of sexual, which is why purple, the combo of red and blue, is so revered. it's super sexy- both male and female combined- and powerful, which is why only royalty used to wear it.

so i continue to learn about the freemasons as i ask and explore. recently it came to my attention that they operate somewhat like spies in a splinter cell type operation. they sort of receive orders and at any time they could be called into action without question. it's kinda gross. it really sounds like a spiritual pyramid scheme with satan at the top or something. apparently, refusing the invitation to join is not advised and new members are forced to make real blood oaths (all blood oaths are real btw! be careful who you bind yourself to FOR LIFE with blood magic) that they are told are symbolic over and over again until they are sort of ensnared. i imagine men who make their careers big and profitable are favored and my grandfather had to be one of the giants. he called the mayor, for decades, and thru different mayors. he build like 80% of his town, donated land for the grave yards, ran and won office in the state legislature for like ten years and then was appointed to the state ports authority, where he spent his final years flying across the globe convincing major companies and governments to ship their goods through Georgia's port city of Savannah. It sounds like he would have been in a good position to be a spy for the freemasons. but looking at it from the inside, i can see how he suffered. he couldn't tell his wife, whom he trusted, loved, and respected, what he was up to and it's likely he was forced into using bad magic to sort of drain her of energy- it's a standard masonic thing. i'm pretty sure they tap their wives's energy without their understanding. but my grandmother was valeditorian and knew something was up. so she raged and raged and raged at him for years and he just took it all because he knew he deserved it. he ended up divorcing the woman he loved and marrying a skankier lady who took her shoes off at his fancy parties because she thought she was so cute and his wife to boot. i just know it wasn't what he wanted. but the truth is, he had a larger than life life. and it is likely he was super magic, and so persuasive, and so sexy. The point of all this is that that shadow spy magician energy he had, does not seem to be expressed in his children or grandchildren, except in me.