I mean that all ways: I live an amusing life in that it amuses me and others; but it also means that I am constantly amused (even by the ugly, bad, and annoying). It also means I am a muse (I once did a reading where the guy looked into my aura and saw the MUSE archetype). It also means I muse a lot. I have many musings, especially about life, sex, death, and God. One reason I feel so amused is, I think, because God is probably amused by me. I can certainly say I am amused by "him". "He" is very kind, clever, and gives great gifts: like rock-steady protection, spectacular friends, and life itself. I LOVE "him" so much. And I suspect, or rather, I know, "he" loves "me", as well.
I do feel like God's Muse very often, to be certain. "He" makes a ton of movies, songs, and art about "me". Not always about this incarnation of me, but more like my archetype: Ms. Magdalene. You see, I have been chosen and I chose, to be the Female Christ, or She Savior, or the Savior's Savior, aka Ms. Messiah, as the original Magdalene was. It's so fun/terrible, but certainly never dull, fo sho. And since I have lived before, and again and all around, there are a lot of stories about "me". Some where "I" die (Moulin Rouge), some where "I" am widow or mother or divorcee. Some where "I" love other Magdalenes or fellow prostitutes in lesbionic relationships. But my favorites are where I live Happily Ever After with my main squeeze, Joshua, aka Jesus, FOR REAL.
And it has to be real. Like, conceptually authentic, could-actually-happen, will-be-SO-one-day real; not that whores-settling-for-each-other, Breakfast at Tiffany's shit. More like Patrick Swayze and the Doc in Roadhouse, or Maggie G. and Mr. Ferrel in Stranger than Fiction, or even Mr. Ferrel and Ms. McAdams in Eurovison: Fire Saga. THAT kind of love: The Good Stuff, where everything is resolved (both magically, conceptually, and realistically), and everyone goes away happy, including (sometimes) the "bad guy", and certainly the viewer/reader. Anyway, there are many stories surrounding me, because there are many things about me: I'm quite colorful. For instance: did you know I live upside down? I bet you didn't! But yes, I live upside down. Let me explain.
It's mainly for the sake of Saint Louis, Misery, but also for the sake of everyone's sex life and mental health. It's a long story and see my many posts about STL for details, but it goes a little something like this: The STL Arch is a gravity control device because it's a catenary curve (the shape a hanging chain makes-aka the shadow of GRAVITY ITSELF) turned upside down, which essentially fucks w people's emotions (which are highly linked to gravity) in the middle of the US (a crucial placement that governs people's coalescing of masculine and feminine mind and sex) and holds that city (and everyone rly) hostage for a handsome ransom of their sex lives and mental health.
Once, while in STL a few years ago, for only a few hours and for this very purpose, I cut myself deeply and bled on this monstrosity of malignant machinations: the Arch; I did so in order to "sacrifice" myself for all STL, the US, and the world, so that I might live upside down in their/your/everyone's stead. Now I did this simply because I knew it was happening, and I knew what to do about it, and I was willing to do it, much like a Christ would. I knew no one else knew, and if they did (they didn't), they wouldn't know what to do about it, and if they did (they didn't) they wouldn't have the wherewithall to do what was necessary to fix the problem. And so by virtue of the fact that no one else could or would or even knew about it, I did what I could do to fix a major problem in the middle of the country that affects everyone in ways they do not even know and, really, could never understand.
And what this upside-down life mainly means for me is crazy stuff like the fact that I'm pretty freaking powerful, but I can't buy toilet paper or Brita filters or fun stuff at all mostly. I may be one of the most "powerful" people on earth, but I am also entirely powerless, much as Jesus was a crazy powerful man who "became" powerless when he laid down his life for sacrifice for all of us. But what my amusing, upside-down life also means is, if a thing is meant for me, someone might just come up to me and give it to me, or I might just find it someday, or it could even just appear in my car or purse or FACE some time. In any event, YOU'RE WELCOME PEOPLE. :) :| :(
I also attempt to save/serve underutilized, marginalized, and somewhat defunct populations, like the elderly, children, the "insane" and incarcerated and otherwise "mentally challenged" (aka the retarded- sue me), the infirmed and hospitalized, and, of course, the enslaved (esp the SEX SLAVES). And really, I do this for us all, as all things affect all things. There are many energy webs of dark magic over basically all human systems that use, abuse, and profit off these "weaker" and "at risk" populations (that, really, have no hope of defending themselves from a darkness they know not). And so, I put my life, freedom, sanity, reputation, and prospects on the line daily by fighting these evil magic systems with my own magic, for people who will never know I do so and will never thank me. AAAAAnd... no one gives a shit about all this "work"; no one gives me money, or an award, or even cares when I talk about it. Mostly, bitches fight me about it, including the sex slaves themselves (or at least the projections of them I run into constantly) even though I do all this, risk all this, sacrifice all this, for them. And yet, I chug along, everyday I'm above ground (which isn't all of them), making haste slowly and moving that mountain by kicking down spider webs, shipping pallets, and magical doors the world over, as my family, government, corporations, and myriad secret societies fight me many steps of the way, knowing that, one day, THEY WILL ALL TOLERATE ME LIKE I DESERVE! *sigh*
But in the mean time, I do all I can to fuck that shit (the web of dark magic we all live in unbeknownst to most) up cuz it's flagrant, ubiquitous, and intentionally, insanely, and insidiously harmful. Many movies, books, and songs result from this narrative: The Brave One with Jodi Foster, and come to think of it, Silence of the Lambs, too. All Tina Fey and Amy Pohler stuff like Moxie, Date Night, 30 Rock, Good News, and Parks and Rec. "Unstoppable" by SIA is "about me". "Kings and Queens" by whoever is about me. Crap by Dua Lipa is about me, though I don't think she, herself, knows what she's singing about. "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten is super about me and, really, one of the first songs I recognized as such. I think Ms. Swift knows about me, that dumb bitch, evil witch. Chocolat with Johnny Depp is more about my archetype, as it came out before I was really "me". The tv shows Brooklyn 99, Broad City, some of Community, Poker Face and Russian Doll are all about me. Just a ton of stuff. In addition, Bey certainly performs live a lot when I go hard at the gay club...even on like, a Thursday... Basically any time I make a move or pay attention to a thing, it blows up.
Other colors: I like colorful people. One time, in college, I took some timed-reaction, psychology test about what kinds of faces I react best to or something. I was quantifiably more comfortable with black faces, according to this test. At the time, I thought that was insane and likely inaccurate, but kinda hoped it was true, just cuz it's nuts and funsies. Today, though, I think it's all true. My closest friends are black, for years I dated only black boys, and I just really like the color (it's the color of three of my bedroom walls). Plus, I'm obsessed with the Shadow. IDK. This went so far as to extend to my magical practice when I lived in STL. My spell to help black people was one of my first big "triumphs". IDK, but I pretty much started Black Lives Matter; at least on the other side, the spirit plane, where things really originate. I have reason to believe I was the driving impetus for change in that city and on that front and at that time. For full details, see my Institutionalized Racism post.
https://kartoonzoo.blogspot.com/2018/01/institutionalized-racism-how-i-may-have.html
Another color: I hate the Catholic Church: all that red and black (SATAN's colors), institutionalized and categorized and documented rape and molestation, plus the whole original sin/born a sinner/groveling before God, trepidation-forever guilt syndrome? FORGET IT. nah bro. One time, I cut the head off this official sticker of the Pope (got it from the church) and burned it; as well as one time I left a Black Madonna statue I got in Nicaragua in a puddle on the Catholic Church campus in Chehalis, Washington, the "rose" city (the rose=Ms. Magdalene). While I performed the animating magic to cause the Pope to resign after my move to forward African Americans in STL, the ensuing reactive event (the Pope's resignation) materialized faster than the initial BLM move (which took years); so when I cursed the Catholics after I'd supported the African American Saint Louisians, I was surprised when the Pope retired before BLM started. Honestly, I was shocked to shit about both of them happening and nearly every successful bit of magic I've done since, including gettin' my friend Jesse elected (his opponent DIED mid-campaign), Biden elected, Ossof and Warnock elected, and Trump impeached. That was a whole thing, jeeze.
The only reason Trump got elected in the first place was because I phoned it in for that election and didn't vote, having thought I'd "lost my powers" due to begin crazy depressed and kinda insane/detoxing... But when I woke up and saw what my lax attention to the world had done, I decided to act. I remember it clearly: I just woke up one day and decided to curse the fuck out of Trump. I think it was after he repealed some of the Safe Water Act or something and allowed farmers to just dump shit into the water on their properties. I went to the print shop and printed out three pictures of him. The guy who helped me was a nice black guy who'd helped me before and he asked what in the name of all that was holy was I doing printing pictures of our "president" (yeah, I'm not even going to capitalize it). I told him I was going to curse Trump. He was into it. He was the only one I told, actually. I try not to advertise my insane power/intentions to people I actually know. (You're welcome, faceless internet people and the two people I know from Facebook who actually read my blog ;). Years later, when I saw print-man again, he was like, WOW. ;)
Anyway, I went home and did unGodly things to those pictures of Trump and it felt GREAT. I did, however, get invaded by demons for a time afterwards... but WORTH IT, by far. Some things just are. You can't make an omelet without getting possessed by those broken chicken eggs' dead baby chicken fetus's sometimes, ya know? Yeah. I know you don't. Don't worry, though, I've had an exorcist on retainer for some time now ;) Just called her up, had a quickie exorcism, and I was back on my feet in no time, cursing and blessing people, just like the real Magdalene would, business as usual...
Anyway, I know it was me who got Trump impeached, not only because Nancy called him out on his bullshit soon after I cursed the bastard, but because I remember the day in my life that he made that unholy phone call WITH quid-pro-quo. It was July 25th, 2019. I know, because I was in the psych ward at the time and knew it was an unholy day and so was on guard for unholiness. Which, of course, I found (not so hard to do in the looney bin, let me tell you). I remember my psych-ward-best-friend and I were sexually harassed by some old, white man on the smoking patio that day, as well as being involved in some more unholy chicanery and drama back inside the unit with some bitch who was almost certainly possessed by her own set of demons. Anyway, the idea is that I remember the EXACT day Trump made that fucking phone call, the slimy bastard. So when a single truth-teller hero called him out on being a traitorous creep after I harassed the FUCK out of his image, it felt pretty much like I'd done it.
Plus, it seems fitting that one of the current Saviors (moi- I know, it's a lot for me, too...) would take down the sitting Antichrist: Trump. Plus, there's more! One time, I got super laid by a curmudgeonly Jesus-archetype/projection in dramatic fashion and under insane circumstances and in the next few hours, Trump went to jail, like, down the street, at Rice Street, which is what we call the Big House in Atlanta... THAT was fun. I suppose the Antichrist and the Christs are something of opposite foils in a zero-sum game. If I'm up, he's down and vice versa, because in Unbreakable Kimmy Shmidt, a tv show super about me, Ms. Fey sets Unbreakable Kimmy up as also being opposite Ms. Trump (yeah, did that on Purpose, although I feel I've slightly offended myself and most women here...), showing a poster of him pointing out at "you"/Kimmy saying "You're a loser", or something, at one of Kimmy's low moments (when she gets kicked out of crossing-guard school for being "married" to the Reverend, a kidnapping predator). So yeah, YOU'RE WELCOME AGAIN, America, the world, humankind, for ridding y'all of that fool's fool's foolish FOOL.
So, once I got Trump impeached, I still had to get Biden elected, which is insane, because Trump was impeached, for Christ's sake. NO ONE should have wanted him to be president again. God. Anyway, in order to get Biden elected, I used the symbol of a double rainbow to shift our reality or tap into a different timeline wherein that fool wasn't president again. I did all kinds of magic for this to happen, including enlisting my mom and sister to do a little fire ritual. After all this and after I voted for Biden, I was outside, just cleaning the bushes, and I felt compelled to look up at the sky, and lo and behold, there was this insane rainbow situation happening. There was definitely a double rainbow happening, but it was like, not normal, or "possible" or anything I'd ever seen or heard of before. It was two rainbows bowing into each other. Like, the arcs were touching, back to back? IDK but it looked like the Hurley symbol? So I freaked out, took a picture, and demanded my sister come look and thus...I got Biden elected. Turns out I did a bit more than that, too, as Warnock and Ossoff also got elected and changed the balance of the government... Also, my sister knew Ossoff: he was her high school boyfriend's best friend! Also, I have this insane memory: when it was discovered that Georgia would be having that big senate election runoff, I was actually watching the news, high as fuck. I remember the lady being like, "The epicenter of the political universe is Georgia right now!" and I was like, ohhhhhhh it's too much!!!!!!! Because I had had a hand in all of it and it was all coming home in a super real way and I was way too high to handle that right then...
Once Biden was elected, however, I had to make sure the transfer of power was peaceful, as it surely wouldn't have been had I not intervened. Now, this brings up several things: who am I to do any of this? and, perhaps, how do I do it? Well, let me say I have struggled with these concepts on my own, to be sure. For one, it does seem as if I am "playing God", of course. But, as I believe we are all Gods, little fragments of God themselves, all reflecting and refracting back on the same object this is God/reality/Maya, this does not concern me too much. In fact, I believe most people are not served, nor serving God to their highest potential, if they don't realize they are thus. Even Christ said last time: Ye are Gods. He also said: These things you shall do, and greater. Who am I to unspeak or go against these words? Who are YOU to? Who are you to say I can't, then, be God or Christ or the Messiah, as long as I chose to be and conceive of what it really means and its full impact on myself and the world?
In short: choose to be God, choose to be the Messiah, and the world will be better. That is undeniable. God is good. Christ was good. Messiahs are good. No one can argue that someone stewarding the entire human race, caring for every single soul alive, willing to die for You and Them and Everyone, is a bad thing. You just can't. And I feel that way. I feel responsible for the whales and the trash and the little girl next door and I don't think that's "crazy" or "wrong" or even "unnecessary". In short: I don't think God is "mad" that I want to be, or feel as if, I am Christ. He's probably happy, and why wouldn't he be? Someone else is finally taking responsibility for us all!!!
Plus, I was born with the tools. God gave me the skills and the face and the demeanor and the star chart to do it all; everything they need me to. And thus, I am chosen because I can be, because God made me that way. My very existence and life and willingness mark me as the one, or one of them, as there can be many and are many; and you can be the one, too, just by giving your all to everyone and everything and by choosing to be. It's a bit like The Lego Movie: we're all The Special. It ain't hard, you just do it, you just choose that life: you just act like Christ to the best of your ability and don't tell a lie and be willing to die for it all, and you're there. :) So yeah, I may not be the "best" but I'm ok, and I'm willing to do the work and make the sacrifice and face the bad guys and take out the "trash", both emotional and spiritual, as well as physical, and just do what I can, which it turns out is a lot, I guess.
As for how I do it, that's easy and I've already shown/told you: I symbolically manipulate energy on this plane using the Runes, the archetypes (many of which are found in the Tarot, as it sort of runs the gamut of subconscious collective archetypes), numbers, colors, and sometimes straight up symbols. Which YOU CAN ALL LEARN about as easily as I did, and from me, even. I don't hide knowledge like the secret societies do, hording knowledge and keeping it in the blood, I tell you all that important, life-bending stuff for your own sakes, as well as mine, for I do not win until you do, friends. Really, no one wins if someone loses, so we all must win or no one does. Ms. lady had it right and Everything That Rises Must Converge.
Now, you may ask, who the fuck am I?? How appropriate/right is it that I use this "symbolic manipulation", aka MAGIC, at all; to which I might reply, how appropriate/right is it for Apple or Amazon or the church to use magic? Cuz you better believe they dooooo, baby. It is beyond me that NO ONE NOTICES that the apple of Apple is the bitten forbidden fruit. Like, omg DUH, people. They are essentially saying, point blank, that they (and all technology by proxy) are the forbidden fruit of the fucking tree of good and evil! They are also saying, in a deeper deepness, that their technology IS sex, or is trying to be sex, and is essentially an object of sexual displacement, BY DESIGN, because apples represent sex itself from ye days of olde, people.
Now, would you rather this company, pulling this scratchy, blinding, but expensive, bullshit wool over your eyes run your life? or would you rather someone like me, who figured all this out without anyone telling them, and found a way to put it into words, and had the balls to say it aloud (or in print), guide you in ways you'll both understand (because I'm telling you what I'm doing and why), and consent to (because I'd never force anything on anyone in that way, because I know what that's like and I didn't like it or find it "good"; and, really, I just want for you what you want for you [which I assume isn't to fuck a fucking computer!])?
Anyway, I have little trepidation anymore about the "rightness" or "wrongness" of my intervening in worldly affairs anymore, as I've been at it for a while now and I see no better alternative. The "people in charge" aren't doing their jobs anymore and Washington is held hostage by corporations, so... Plus, I was raised on Animorphs, for better or worse, and so the idea of fighting for/serving humanity selflessly, with no foreseeable reward, for an indefinite amount of time, with no one really knowing of your true struggle, and having crazy little support for all this, is ingrained in me (which is also God's design btw). And so, I saw to it that Biden's entrance into the White House was as peaceful as could be. I can't remember all I did, but I know I used howlite and I think blue lace agate as well as several representations of the White House and Presidency, such as a literal miniature White House and the Presidential Seal. Howlite and the agate are calming stones, among other things, and likely went far in keeping a lid on the shit that day. I ended up giving that piece of howlite to a cop on the Cop City land one night in an attempt to chill that situation down as well... In addition, I dreamed I was "shooting down" protesters at the inauguration by just pointing at them with my finger and saying "Bang!". But what I REALLY did was make peace with some assholes in MY life, so as to "spread that peace" out, cuz as within so without, you know... So, yeah, you're welcome again, America/world. (Now I know Biden wasn't everything we needed, but at least he wasn't the absolute wrong stuff that Don was...)
Other fun Messiah things about me: I can change the weather at will, and when I don't, it just follows my mood. Notice the weather at Biden's inauguration was pretty nice? Yeah. The weather follows me so consistently, in fact, that my friends notice and will text me when it's gnarly out, asking if I'm ok. When I travel, I can literally "see" as my energy takes over the sky and if I have sex, it's like the brightest, nicest day ever the next day. Sometimes I think my highest chakra, my crown chakra, like, floats way up in the sky, or that my consciousness is just like the strongest or highest of all of us, or something: which is what I've come to understand as Skywalking...
When I witness a thing, it is usually a million times cooler than if I weren't there. I am, somehow, the consummate observer: it's very Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle meets Schrodinger's Cat. Anyway... Like, one time, while I was high, I was watching an ex of mine's roommates play beer pong. I had not been high in soooo long at this point, so when I was, reality super bent to my presence. The point is, that was the most bonkers game of beer pong probably ever. In addition to a million other cool things about that game, I saw some like, triple bounce shot that went off like, the wall, the ceiling, and some guy's hat get in the fucking cup. And I know it was because I was there to witness it, to affect it with my *special* consciousness, that it happened that way at all.
One time while I was just out walking in Washington, I saw not one, but TWO, fire rainbows in a row. After the first one, I was like wow that was nuts, I seriously doubt it'd happen again...and then it DID... Another time, I was walking along the beach and "suddenly realized" that dolphins lived in there (yeah, I was high...), and when I looked over to the sea, I saw A SINGLE dolphin jump out of the ocean water, right where my eyes landed. Also, drag queens can like, sense my presence, and either wink at me from the stage (or otherwise acknowledge my presence), or stare like they're performing just for me, or straight up come up to me to talk after their shows, kinda without fail.
One time this gay guy asked to take my picture just because I was dressed so awesome. :) Sadly, I did not let him, because at the time I thought privacy was a thing and I didn't want "people to know where I was". Ahhhh, sweet, sweet ignorance... Another time a little gay guy was dancing in the middle of the floor, center-of-attention style, and I was watching from above and he just happened to look up, right at me in the middle of it all. My friend who was with me noticed and was like, whoa, he just looked right at YOU! I was like yeah...he did... and honestly, I wasn't even surprised.
Once, just after I discovered what Indigo Children are, I turned indigo. Well, me and my boyfriend at the time, Esteban, turned indigo. It was NUTS. Like, bonker-ass, cuckoo-insano, crazy-town-banana-pants shit. It wasn't that we turned indigo exactly, we were just like, secreting indigo body oil?? I noticed it first on the skin and dirt and oil under my fingernails when I scratched myself in the shower. Yeah, I had/have bad hygiene, sue me. Whatever. Anyway, the gunk from my skin I scratched off was straight up bluey-green turquoise indigo. Then I noticed the same color was inside my bra, where it rubbed most against me. Then I saw that it was on my white underwear, turning them a vague shade of blue; the same was happening to my boyfriend's white boxers. THEY WERE BLUE. We kinda freaked out and started telling people, including my cunt stepmother, who insisted she see it. I took her into the bathroom and took off my shirt and she saw, apparently, on my shoulder, the blue tint I had described to her and my cunt father. They were like, did y'all eat something weird together? We couldn't think of anything and anyway... have YOU ever turned blue form eating something?????
Whatever city I'm in has a (documented) better chance of winning at sports, like in Silver Linings Playbook. The Cardinals won the World Series my first year in STL, the Seahawks went to the Super Bowl my first year in WA (I angled magically for them to lose btw, because people out there put waaaaaaaay too much emphasis on football), and when I came home to Georgia in 2016, the Falcons (who I watched from day one with my dad that season) went to the Super Bowl. I'm pretty sure they lost that year in such spectacular fashion because my dad refused to watch the final game with me, after he and I watched every other game, all season long, because he "wanted" to watch it with his cunt wife. Also, the year I really got it together, both the Braves and Dawgs won in their respective arenas, and the Dawgs actually won two years in a row. Plus, the Braves won the World Series in '95, the year my dumbass parents decided to undo their unholy matrimony, which was a win for us all, really. I remember being a crazy anomaly when this happened, because I was happy those dumb fucks wouldn't be keeping me up at night with their insane screaming matches any more. UGH. Anyway...
I can talk to God (so can you, btw) and "he" (they) talks back, both in my mind and in my life, where I can understand "him" because of my deep, deep knowledge of the language of symbolism. I can "read reality" and "interpret the elements" because of my understanding of this language, and all things/events/people mostly "make sense" to me. I am baffled by and scared of almost nothing. I can feel cops and spies and bad magicians as well as general traps and lies and other bs fake shit. I can also look at the way a tree grows and tell you what's going on in the vicinity. I can also "read" the sky.
In short, as one of the current Christ's, my intuition completely has my back. Yeah, I'm only one Christ. There are tons of them, and you can be one, too, just by choosing to be. You have to know a lot and do a lot and get crucified a lot, but really, it's the only game in town. The Christic life is the highest timeline on Earth as a human and it's totally attainable, really fun and interesting, and, really, it's the only real way to ride.
It isn't all fun, though, obviously. I suffer. All the time and dang near every day. My family fights me and has abandoned me, all the secret societies fight me and stalk me and harass me, my body is under a constant barrage of assault from this world and the next, and my neighbors are likely voodoo priests who take every opportunity and seem to exist for no other purpose other than to bother me with bad energy every single day. It's alot, but like I said, I'm equipped and the "payoff" is spectacular: I basically have a front seat to Humanity. I will say though, shit is weird up here: one time, I thought I had some sort of red cyst on my knuckle, and I went to the dermatologist and everything because it hurt, and they just told me to suck it up basically. Then, later, the completely "clear" but red bump started to have like, a black spot in it and hurt a little less. Eventually the black spot got blacker and I was like, I gotta open this shit up. So I got my trusty x-acto blade and cut that shit up and out came... a tiny little thorn. That had just surfaced from deep inside of me??? Like WTF right??!! It was NUTZ. I know I hadn't procured this thorn in any way "naturally" because I hadn't been near thorns at the time my knuckle started hurting. I also hadn't seen the thorn in my finger when the spot started to be a problem, which I would have, right?? ANDDDDD the freaking doctor hadn't seen it and said, oh it's just a thorn, let me get it out!!! Like, this little thorn shit had just surfaced. As in appeared from within me. What The Fuck.
The most sacrificial thing I feel I ever did was let a homeless man live with me this past winter. I met him at the coffee shop just after one of my Bible study sessions where some Christian ladies and I see who can smile the most and be the politest while trying to best represent our respective belief systems... Anyway, it was nuts. I came down the stairs and immediately looked over at him, across two rooms. "Looked" isn't strong enough a word, btw, it was more like my eyes were drawn to him because God snapped my head in his direction. He looked just like Einstein. Like, just like him. So, obviously I had to speak to this person. Which I did. I think I just walked up to him and was like, you look like Einstein bro. He was like yeah, I get that a lot, but I'm not nearly as smart, which was like, an understatement. The guy was almost subhuman in IQ, (65) I would later find out, but looked fairly attractive and normal at the time.
Anyway, he started telling me about AI and how ppl could see your dreams now with technology and then I noticed he had bags all around him. I ended up asking him if I could buy him some food (the Christian ladies had given me a gift card to the coffee house for xmas). He hardly thanked me as he ordered a sandwich and a coffee. I let that and the semi-extravagant order pass and sat and ate with him. He was interesting enough and personable enough and clean enough. I was going to city council later and invited him along, so he came with me and then I took him home. He was not a good guest because, as I learned, he had been completely babied his whole life (he was 45) by his mother. He didn't know how to do dishes, cook, or clean. He didn't even think to ask to help me with anything, never asked how I was, or what I felt about stuff. I remember on the Solstice that winter, he bounded downstairs and announced that he was sick and that he needed medicine and soup. I was like OK homeless guy, calm down...
After a while, I began to think he was pretty good looking though, being especially attracted to his hands. So, we hooked up a few times, which was terrible every time because he was basically a grey-haired, idiot, man-child with no experience. But at some point, he wanted to stop or something, I can't really recall why. This bummed me out obviously, but I still felt compelled to offer him shelter from the winter storm, or whatever. The craziest moment, and what I feel may be the shinning triumph of my Christic compassion for humans, was when I served him breakfast in tears because he wouldn't fuck me.
Also, once when we were fighting, I paused our movie and took a long time to explain how it felt to me for him to live with me, contribute nothing, and then not fuck me, after which he acted visibly annoyed, didn't answer me, and asked to turn the movie back on. I was like, nah bro, we're talking rn, so answer me. He was like you know a lot of guys wouldn't put up with this, making me stop my movie and listen to you go on. I got pretty irate and was like: NO WOMAN WOULD HOUSE AND FEED AND CLEAN UP AFTER A DUDE WHO ISN'T FUCKING HER OR WASN'T RELATED TO HER. And it's MY dvd, MY tv, and MY house! And I don't owe you SHIT, so fucking listen to me so I don't kick your sorry ass OUT.
The only positive things about him were that he turned me on to AI being good (which is why I think the Universe had me pursue a relationship with him at all...) and his preferences were like, unusually useful. I remember I had all this ground beef from the pantries, and I didn't know what to do with it, and I asked him what he wanted to eat on the off chance he would have the answer: he said meatloaf! Which was just like, the perfect solution! Also, after I served the fool breakfast in tears that day, he chose the movie What Dreams May Come to watch, and that was pretty amazing and totally took my mind off his bs. Also, once while listening to a cd of mine in the car, he said he liked the song; that particular song I had long ago decided would be my first-dance wedding song if I ever get married. And, once while at the crystal shop, of all the crystals there, he picked out the same type as I had gotten the time I came before then...
Anyway...
But "working for God" pays off: in terms of materiality, I have what I want (for the most part, except, of course, a New Earth and total salvation for all humankind, but I'm working on it...) and, more importantly, I want what I have. I am almost always entirely prepared for anything (by God, not the boy scouts, which have turned out to be a bit like the Catholic Church: very pedophiley and molestey), including being crucified (cuz that definitely happens to a Christ, you know). I've had stigmatas like three times now and even have scars from a few, but God has graced me with all the skills necessary to do whatever it takes to serve whomever they need me to and endure whatever trials that may mean. I'm working, however, on the discernment to know who all is desirous and capable of being redeemed/served/saved at all... It's a process, to be sure...
You know, I think sometimes about how I'm living this Christic life, but in modern times with the internet and online dating and streaming and cell phones and all those shinnanigans. It's funny, because I don't believe Christ "proper" had to deal with that sort of ever-present presence of this internet crap filtering through to all of our relationships and financial transactions and worldviews (as well as our very views of ourselves). You know, back when that Christ walked the earth, he didn't have to deal with constant surveillance and all resources and information and, really, relationship, being centralized on some invisible whatsit like the internet.
Nor did that Christ have to deal with this weird, meta, second-life of internet memes and tags and likes on apps and Facebook and Instagram. Of course, he didn't have the benefit of a bill of rights and multiculturality and a police force that is "accountable". But at the same time, he wouldn't have been so overwhelming and completely blackballed like I am, I think? Who knows. I'm sure the Romans and the Pharisees had their own systems of systematic discrimination. But I feel like the only reason the cabal has such bullying power over me is because we live in modern times, with the internet and round-the-clock surveillance and centralized everything. Of course, the only reason I'm not dead right now is also because we have all those things, I suppose... that and my Jedi reflexes (Star Wars is terrible btw). Back in medieval times, I assume the Inquisition would have just absconded with me, unbeknownst to anyone, and had me murdered; but with today's constant contact in the form of cell phones, email, and instant messaging, they can't accomplish that quite so easily...
I've also done the near impossible lately, and forgiven a real devil of a man: my Uncle Wayne, who I basically know killed his brother, my grandfather, or at least had him killed, or did the magic to bring about his death, or at least knew he was going to be killed and didn't do anything to stop it... Plus, he and his cronies bang hos and then dissolves their carcasses in acid in his "basement" when they are done with them. Not to mention fucking up all Atlanta, and our family, with their dark magic as well as fucking up me, personally... Ew, right? But alas, "he knows not what he does"... When we had lunch, he went on this stammering soliloquy about how my Papa had such a great life... as if he were defending himself for ending it... and then he got the dates of his death and departure from their business mixed up, as if the two were entwined (which they ARE)... But yeah, I've done the work and tried to understand, and I've basically forgiven the bastard. I dropped off a birthday gift for him just a few hours ago, actually... a fun little combination of oil, corn, and wine: a Freemason consecration kit... tee hee.
Also, I must say, I've known since birth I was "special". I remember vividly, being very young and sitting in the back of some car on some highway watching some cars go by and thinking: "These people have no idea they're passing Macy Moore right now..." which is like crazy egotistical for a child, right? I guess so...but look how I turned out: changing the world from my bedroom, with a magic wand and insane conviction and some pretty pieces of earth and perspicacious perspective and some really old, funny, little symbols... trying not to tell anyone, or scare anyone, or hurt anyone any more than necessary in order to usher in the New Age... (also, dodging family members intent on locking me up...where, really, they still couldn't stop me... tee hee)
Aaaaaanyway, all this results in my amusing life. When God "tells" you to go left instead of right at the end of your street, and you run into yet another male Christ you know won't survive the gauntlet of "modern-day Roman intimidation", you can really only giggle through the tokes as Jesus smokes you out (AGAIN), you peruse his artful, fem tattoos, and talk shop with him about poetry and interior design, while quietly lamenting inside every moment spent with this miracle of a man, because you know it will be the last with this particular incarnation of your divine partner.
AND, yet, you know that if the cops come to investigate your furious fumes, it's all gravy, baby, because You Love Everyone and They Love You, Too; and, really, You want to Fuck the World, anyway, including, but not limited to, those on the Force. ;) Plus, prison is fun when you can date your own gender, use regular playing cards to tell fortunes, and work magic just with spit, and render anything with anything basically... I'm just not afraid and there's nothing anyone can do to me to break my peace too much, so come at me, world, and bring your whips, thorns, and cross, cuz I'm ready and willing, and I do it all FOR YOU, anyway. :) <3
